“I was just about to spread the butter when I noticed a fairly typical small hole in the bread surrounded by a burnt black ring. However, the direction and splatter patterns of the crumbs as well as the changing shades emanating outwards from this black hole were very clearly similar to the chaotic-dynamic non-linear patterns that one would expect following the big bang”. “It’s the beginning of the world” he added excitedly.

This follows on the heels of other, arguably less miraculous instances of finding an image of Christ trapped inside the rings of a tree, the Virgin Mary seared into a pancake, or a freshly crucified Jesus within a Yukon Gold potato.

Sources close to the almighty remain uncharacteristically skeptical of the apparition, however, saying:

The Lord quite regularly makes Himself known through cleverly disguised imagery within various foodstuffs or in other seemingly random patterns of light and shadow, but he would never endorse the Big Bang theory without first giving us a sign. This latest visitation is probably the work of demonic forces, or possibly just someone imagining something.

I’ve seen the toast, and it fills you with a sense of such beatific secularism that there’s no denying this is a sign from the universe that absolutely no divine intervention was required to create it.