Wired and a couple other sites have picked up on insurance.com’s list of the 10 most dangerous foods to eat while driving.

1. Coffee. It’s hot. It can spill. That’s bad. That said, we’re guilty of this. So are you. Admit it.
2. Hot soup. It’s hot. It can spill. That’s bad.
3. Tacos. Very messy.
4. Chili. It’s hot. It can spill. That’s bad. And it’s very messy.
5. Hamburgers. Greasy hands and a steering wheel do not mix.
6. Barbecued food. Um, that should go without saying.
7. Fried chicken. You think burgers are greasy?
8. Jelly or cream-filled donuts. Ever bitten into one and not had it squirt all over the place?
9. Soft drinks. Big threat of spillage, says Insurance.com, and unacceptable risk of “fizz up your nose.” Huh?
10. Chocolate. It melts on your fingers, which makes a mess on the steering wheel.

You can tell this comes from an insurance list. How? Because it’s BORING. It’s also wrong. Who the hell eats coffee or soft drinks? Nobody. I suppose eating coffee while driving is dangerous since the coffee has to solidify, and this either requires dangerously low temperatures or such a long period of time that you’ll fall asleep at the wheel. Ironically, that’s a danger that you could avoid if you just drank the coffee in the first place.

We’ve come up with our own list of dangerous foods. I think you can agree, these are probably much more dangerous to eat while driving than those listed above.

10. Spam. You really need 2 hands to open the can, unless you want to slice a finger and bleed to death. Either way, you die.
9. Raw Oysters. Again – you ever try shucking with one hand? Can’t be done.
8. Fresh Main Lobster. These are dangerous enough when seated at the table. Clarified butter makes these a lethal driving delicacy.
7. Chitterlings. Anything made from intestine is dangerous to begin with. Add the amount of tabasco reuired to force down chitlins, and you’re begging to wipe out.
6. Apple Jacks Cereal. By itself, these aren’t too dangerous. The tune lock you’ll suffer from the Apple Jacks jingle will have you looking for a tree to plow into.
5. Outback Steakhouse Aussie Cheese Fries. Just don’t eat these while driving. You will die of a coronary, and probably crash into a busload of nuns.
4. A jar of mayonnaise. Extra danger points if you lick the spoon.
3. Fresh Sea Urchin. You’ll probably stab yourself to death trying to get to the tasty bits.
2. Molten Lava Cakes. Don’t let Paula Dean fool you. The original recipe calls for real molten lava. Can it get any more dangerous?
1. Yes it can: Pork Brains in Milk Gravy. The real danger here is that you’ll probably kill yourself to get the taste out of your mouth.

I’m on my way back from Phoenix as I write this and with all the great southwestern fare, it still would have been nice to have had some of this salsa. It’s simple to make and the flavor is amazing.

Prep Time: 15 minutes, cooking time: 30 minutes

Ingredients

1 to 2 pound fresh tomatillo with husks removed
6 cloves garlic, unpeeled
4-8 dried chipotle peppers depending on how much heat you want
Sea salt

Procedure

1. Make a small incision in each tomatillo and spread on a large baking sheet. Broil in 375 degree oven until collapsed and slightly charred – about 15 min. Allow tomatillos to cool for about 15 minutes.

2. Meamwhile, heat a cast iron skillet or griddle over medium high flame. Put unpeeled garlic cloves and dried peppers on the hot, dry surface and allow them to char slightly and smoke a little before turning. Turn and continue to cook like this until all sides are a little black.

3. Remove garlic and peppers from pan and place cooked peppers in a bowl of hot water and soak for at least 15 minutes. Remove from water and drain excess. Allow garlic to cool before peeling.

4. Place cooled tomatillo, peeled garlic, and softened chipotle in a blender or food processor and pulse until almost smooth. Add sea salt to taste.

You can substitute 1-2 pounds of tomatoes for the tomatillos, and the result will still be very good. I like the tartness of the tomatillos with the smoky heat of the chipotles myself. If you use tomatoes, feel free to add a small bit of cilantro and lime juice to liven it up a bit.

And as always, enjoy!

The recipes in question – including Ahi Tuna with Napa Cabbage Slaw, Passion Fruit Mousse, and Farfalle Pasta with Turkey Sausage, Peas and Mushrooms — were all credited on the website to McCain’s wife Cindy. Another recipe also appears to be very similar to a recipe of TV personality and chef Rachael Ray.

Not wanting to offend anyone, the McCain campaign decided not to pursue legal action against The Food Network for it’s blatant theft of the cherished McCain family recipes, but instead chose a course of honor, and fired one of its own gifted young interns, 62 year-old Brendon McSwipy of Scottsdale.

The Food Network, home of several famously popular cooking shows including Ciao America with Mario Batali, and Good Eats with Alton Brown, has once again been caught wielding its near monopoly power in the TV-Food world for evil. Rather than hire their own chefs and create original recipes, their operatives we able to break into the McCain family kitchen compound in Phoenix, and abscond with a treasure-trove of McCain cooking history.

My mother-in-law has been making biscuits for about 60 years, and I decided to film her one morning as she was preparing to do her thing. As a retired school cook from Boone County WV, she’s probably made in excess of eleventy twelve bazillion biscuits, so she’s something of an expert on the subject. If you can forgive the telephone call in the middle of the episode, you may pick up a thing or two. The recipe that she uses is below.

Boone County Biscuits

Ingredients :

2 C Self-Rising flour (preferably Hudson Cream brand)
2 Tbsp Canola Oil
About 1 C Buttermilk

Supplies:

10-inch Cast Iron Skillet
Large mixing bowl
Wooden Spoon
Biscuit cutter

Method: In the video

Makes 6-8 biscuits, depending on the size of the cutter.

For Dinner:

• Pork Loin Roast with blackened rub
• Sweet potato ravioli with sage-butter sauce
• Fresh green beans sauteed in sesame oil
• Cranberry and pear chutney
• Fresh Dinner Rolls

For Dessert:

• Pecan pie with vanilla ice cream
• Home made glazed cinnamon rolls

There’s still one piece of pie left, but not for long.

Vegetarian Red Beans and Rice – Serves 6 to 8

Ingredients:

1 pound Red Kidney Beans, soaked overnight
1 medium Yellow Onion, peeled and chopped
1 bunch Green Onions, chopped
7 cloves Garlic, peeled and finely chopped
1/2 cup Flat Leaf Parsley, chopped
1 rib Celery, chopped
1/2 cup Catsup (we call that Ketchup, thank you)
1 medium Green Bell Pepper, seeded and chopped
1 Tbsp Worcestershire Sauce
Tobasco to taste. For less of a bite, substitute Louisiana brand Hot Sauce
2 whole Dried Bay Leaves, or 1 Fresh
1/2 tsp Liquid Smoke

4 cups Cooked Rice. We like to whip up a fragrant garlic-herb basmati for this dish.

Salt and Black Pepper to taste

For Non-Vegetarian Recipe, omit Liquid Smoke and add:
1 pound Smoked Sausage, cut into bite size pieces.

1 pound Pickled Pork (optional)

Method:

Drain and rinse beans and place in a large heavy pot. Add enough water to completely cover beans. Cover and simmer for at least and hour and make sure the beans remain covered by water the entire time. Add the remaining ingredients except the cooked rice to the pot , and add any water if needed to cover. Simmer loosely covered for at least 2 hours.

Red Beans and Rice is actually a very simple dish to prepare, and its roots as a “Wash Day” dish testifies to this. It can be assembled pretty quickly, and allowed to simmer over the course of an entire day. Since I telecommute, I let my red beans cook all day, and by the time my wife gets home, all the flavors are well developed. If you’re cooking over a long period of time – make sure to check the water level periodically and add water as needed.

For service, spoon or mold about 1/4 to 1/3 cup of rice in the center of a shallow bowl, and spoon red-beans around. Make sure to include plenty of soup. Garnish with small parsley sprig, and serve with Tobasco or Louisiana Hot Sauce.

Here in Alabama, we use Conecuh Sausage http://www.conecuhsausage.com/ for the smoked sausage, but most smoked sausages should be OK. I haven’t tried Tasso in this dish, and I wonder how it would work. It’s pretty salty, so it may be a nice substitution.

The first time I tried to Blacken a couple steaks, I did it on my stove-top, with my anemic exhaust fan running. This, of course, is a mistake you only make once. Now, whenever I get the urge to blacken something, I drag out my BBQ grill and get to it.

It turns out that there are several reasons to Blacken on your grill. First – you don’t have to worry about the plumes of smoke that rise up to heaven as you cook. This is good for you and for your neighbors, as they get all the benefit of the smell of your creation wafting over them on the breeze, without the annoyance brought on by your smoke detectors blaring away. Second – your grill can get your favorite blackening pan really hot. It’s been said before, and I’ll repeat it here: When you blacken something, heat is essential, and the hotter the better. In my case, I use a simple CharBroil, 2-burner grill, but I set the thing on the “Ignite” setting. It may be a bit unsettling to know that there’s a grill setting that’s higher than “High”, but trust me, “Ignite” is the way to go. Third, and this really applies to those Neanderthals out there who feel that standing in front of a stove isn’t manly. It turns out that, since this is technically grilling, your manhood is secure, such as it is.

So, don’t be timid. Grab your grill and blacken to your heart’s content.