The Smug Baldy Speaks

This election year, the big muckety mucks in the Alabama State Government wanted to increase the prestige of our oft-backward little state, so they decided that it would be a good idea to move the Alabama primary election from June to February the 5th, so Alabama could be part of the sweet political bacchanal that is Super Tuesday.

“That’s all well and good”, the folks down Mobile, AL said, “but we have another name for this February 5th. We call it, Fat Tuesday.”

For the uninitiated, Fat Tuesday is Mardi Gras day. The final day of in a three-week jag of true Bacchanalia, parades, balls, floats, beads, and sometimes more than a modest amount of drunken debauchery.

Yup – election day is on Mardi Gras day, and there may be some contention for people’s time and attention.

So when faced with a potential collision between political responsibility and an excuse to ditch work and catch some moon pies or strings of colored beads hurled by half-naked maskers standing on gaudy meandering floats with the force of an American League starting pitcher, you can probably guess what the unanimous solution would be.

That’s right, they moved election day again.

So, unlike the rest of the State of Alabama, Mobile and Baldwin counties in the very southern parts of the state held their Super Tuesday primaries last Wednesday, which was another parade day, but certainly nothing like Fat Tuesday (nor Joe Cain day, for that matter). So we did our civic duty, we went out and voted, and we thought all was well.

But it wasn’t – because nobody bothered to inform campaigns and the legions manning their calling centers. Nope – they have been very busy, calling several times daily – during dinner, in the afternoon when nobody is going to answer them, vainly hawking this or that candidate.

It’s no use telling them that they’re wasting their money – their hard fought campaign warchests. We already voted. Now, it’s just a matter of getting to the next parade.