The Smug Baldy Speaks

OK – I’m Will Farrell fan – and here are some of my favorite quotes from Talladega Nights: The Ballad of Ricky Bobby:

• Ricky Bobby: If you ain’t first, you’re last!
• Ricky Bobby: Well, I’m the best there is. Plain and simple, when I wake up in the morning I piss excellence.
• Texas Ranger: Old man, I’m gonna come at you like a spider monkey!
• Texas Ranger: Old man, I’m gonna scissor kick you in the back of the head!
• Jean Girard: Hakuna Matata, bitches!
• Cal Naughton, Jr.: I like to think of Jesus as a mischievous badger.
• Ricky Bobby: Dear Lord baby Jesus, we thank you so much for this bountiful harvest of Dominos, KFC, and the always delicious Taco Bell. I just want to take time to say thank you for my family. My two sons, Walker, and Texas Ranger, or TR as we call him. And of course my red hot smokin’ wife Carley, who is a stone cold fox.
• Ricky Bobby: From now on, it’s Magic Man and El Diablo.
  Cal Naughton, Jr.: What does El Diablo mean?
  Ricky Bobby: It’s like Spanish for like a fighting chicken.
• Ricky Bobby: I wanna thank little baby Jesus, who’s sittin’ in his crib watchin the Baby Einstein videos, learnin’ ’bout shapes and colors.
• Herschell: Yeah? Well we invented the missionary position… You’re welcome.
• Jean Girard: My husband Gregory and I want what any couple wants. To retire to Stockholm and develop a currency for dogs and cats to use.
• Texas Ranger: The teacher asked me what the capitol of North Carolina was. I said, “Washington DC.” She said, “You’re wrong.” I said, “You have a lumpy butt.”
• Cal Naughton, Jr.: I like to think of Jesus as an Ice Dancer, dressed in an all-white jumpsuit, and doing an interpretive dance of my life.
• Cal Naughton, Jr.: I like to think of Jesus like with giant eagles wings, and singin’ lead vocals for Lynyrd Skynyrd with like an angel band and I’m in the front row and I’m hammered drunk!